09/23/2019 Reading time: 5 min 10927 0
The main reasons for a mother's refusal to breastfeed
The main reasons for a child's refusal to breastfeed
How to wean a baby?
Breast milk contains more than 500 beneficial components. All of them, once in the baby’s body, perform certain functions. Thanks to breast milk, the central nervous system and beneficial intestinal microflora are fully formed. The child’s immune system strengthens, which allows for protection against many diseases. Therefore, experts recommend breastfeeding (BF). No artificial milk formula can fully replace it.
Tip 1: Breastfeed as much as you and your baby need
When it comes to breastfeeding, pediatricians are guided by domestic and global medical standards. The Russian Ministry of Health recommends continuing breastfeeding until two years after the birth of the child. At the same time, until the baby is six months old, breast milk should be the only product in the baby’s diet.
This strategy is also supported by WHO, emphasizing that breastfeeding can continue beyond 24 months.
Polina Lykova: “None of the above sources indicate that it is inappropriate or prohibited to continue breastfeeding after the child reaches a certain age. As well as the fact that breast milk becomes bad or harmful. Therefore, choosing the timing of breastfeeding is the prerogative of mother and child.”
Smooth weaning. Part 1: general principles
The older the child, the better he is able to cope without breastfeeding, so it is easier to complete with age Authors Maria Sorokina, Anna Pospelova. Editor Olga Nodvikova
Typically, children gradually outgrow the need to breastfeed. This process goes differently for each child. If the mother practically does not refuse the breast, feeding may end after 3-4 years, and sometimes later. If you choose this scenario, you will be interested in materials on self-weaning.
If you would like to speed up the process of completing breastfeeding, are tired and want to smoothly and stress-free reduce the number of feedings or completely wean your baby , then this article is for you.
More details about excommunication in other situations, incl. urgent termination, weaning for up to a year, what to do in case of illness, pregnancy or going back to work, etc. you can read in the article “How to stop feeding? Practical guide " .
If you are reading this article, you are still breastfeeding. Perhaps you regret it, scold yourself. Let's look at the situation from the other side. First, praise yourself for letting your baby drink your milk! It is a source of nutrients, vitamins and protective immune cells. This effect of milk continues in the second year of life, and throughout the entire feeding period (the concentration of antibodies even increases over time). In addition, many children enjoy sucking - it calms them down, helps them fall asleep and cope with unpleasant situations. Breastfeeding benefits you too, reducing your risk of breast cancer and improving your health. There is not a single serious study that feeding after a certain age is harmful, so world health organizations encourage mothers to feed until 2 years or more, as long as the mother and child want [2]. Thus, now you are doing something good, and how and when to complete this process will be your decision. The completion process can be organized in different ways, stretched out or accelerated. Listen to your heart, read materials on weaning, stories of other mothers, and choose the speed that will be comfortable for everyone.
How can you “clean up” feedings?
When weaning, it can be helpful to consider all of your baby's needs, as well as your needs. By gradually replacing breast milk with other products and creating new rituals and habits, you can gradually stop breastfeeding painlessly. This will be convenient for you too - for long periods of time, pills that suppress lactation are no longer effective, and with a smooth end, your breasts will tolerate everything as gently as possible and without unnecessary stagnation and other problems. A desired but abrupt weaning can even cause depression in the mother (apparently due to strong hormonal changes).
Once breastfeeding is completed before the age of one year , many babies still need to suck on something for comfort and relaxation [1]. In this case, after finishing breastfeeding, many mothers introduce a bottle with a nipple or a pacifier so that the baby can satisfy the need for sucking. If this is not done, he may start sucking fingers or objects. Read more about termination in this situation. In our article we will talk about weaning, when the child is ready to give up soothing sucking. This age is different for each child. Most often, after a year and a half , it is already possible to begin the process of smooth completion, without adding objects for sucking that replace the breast (and increase the risk of worsening the bite, and if there is no water in the bottle, then the development of caries). This article is about just such an end: smooth, gradual and not subsequently requiring a second “weaning”, this time from a bottle or pacifier.
What to expect?
- After a certain age, the older the child, the easier it is to complete feeding . You often hear: “wean off as early as possible, otherwise you won’t be able to tear off later!” Is it true? Of course, it's just the opposite. Children gradually develop the ability to eat “adult food”, independence, self-control, the ability to play, listen to fairy tales, communicate, and so on - and feeding fades into the background and gradually ends. As children get older, it becomes easier to be distracted and carried away by other things.
However, there is one more nuance. Many expect that by the age of one year feeding will fade away on its own. But in fact, natural feeding develops according to a different scenario. Starting from 9-10 months, many mothers notice that feeding gives children greater joy, and this joy is already conscious. For babies, this becomes not just satisfaction of their needs, but also a way of interaction and communication during attachment. The baby can look up at his mother, be glad that she is going to feed him, and feel gratitude. Thus, most often after a year, interest in feeding remains, but strong interest in other activities has not yet appeared. Therefore, if you plan to stop feeding around a year and a half, it is advisable to start setting the boundaries and limits of breastfeeding already at 9-10 months. The older the baby is, the better able he is to manage without the breast, so it becomes easier to complete as he gets older, but remember that no matter when you start, it will take some time to complete.
- It will take some time for the feeding to complete. The duration of this process depends on you and your baby, and on the number of remaining feedings. Active feeding can rarely be stopped easily and painlessly in 3-4 weeks. Most often, the completion turns out to be really gentle for mother and baby if this process is extended over several months. Some mothers of very sensitive or anxious children have reported that their gentle end of feeding lasted even longer—for example, a year. In a sense, finishing feeding is simply an element of education: we teach the child to eat at the table, self-control, the ability to calm down and share tenderness through hugs, the ability to talk about his feelings and so on - that is, in fact, to do without the breast in every aspect his life. And at the same time, thanks to these skills, the baby’s need for breastfeeding decreases. This process takes time, and that's normal.
- You may have decided to stop feeding because of some problems your baby has that you have noticed or that someone has told you about (for example, with sleep, feeding, behavior, attachment to mom). But stopping breastfeeding is just stopping breastfeeding, and not a universal “master key” that solves all problems. Sometimes, after talking with mothers of children of a similar age or with specialists friendly to breastfeeding, mothers discover that what was described to them as a problem is in fact the normal behavior of a child of this age.
And sometimes there really is a problem, but after finishing feeding it does not go away. For example, a weaned baby may wake up as often as before or may still not eat complementary foods. This happens quite often, so you should not expect that all problems will be solved with excommunication.
It also happens that after stopping feeding, new problems are added: for example, daytime sleep may disappear, appetite may decrease even more, allergies may first disappear, and then again, but this time more severely, worsen. Perhaps, if something is bothering you, it is worth paying attention to this problem, postponing the weaning a little and keeping it calm and gradual.
For example, if you are worried that your child is not eating well , try not to force him to eat at all, and eat the same thing together at the same table. Sometimes active walks, “postponing” (lunch, then breastfeeding), and reducing frequent daily feedings (“we don’t sit”) also help - see the second part of the article.
If you have trouble sleeping , you may wake up less often if you manage your nighttime needs (eating, drinking, hot, cold, going to the toilet). Also, most babies often ask for the breast at night due to teething or illness. Maybe you will pick up something for yourself from the third part of the article, dedicated to night feedings.
Breast milk with its immunoglobulins, oligosaccharides, enzymes and everything else remains a valuable nutrition for the baby at any stage of feeding, and for children with special needs it can be a powerful support until the baby’s systems and organs are mature enough to work as expected.
- At the end of feeding and after it, the child’s need for attention and contact most often temporarily increases. You may need more hugs, kisses, active play with touching, squeezing, rolling on the floor, and so on. Some developmental schools or children's clubs have special classes for children with their parents, where you can learn such games that further develop the child and your relationship. Or perhaps your new tradition will be massage, reading books or talking before bed, and other similar rituals.
- Mom's attitude is very important. Children feel our uncertainty and anxiety, our restlessness, and react by increasing their attachments. If you are not sure that you and the baby are ready for weaning, if you feel guilty, this may affect your behavior and the baby may start sucking more. If you planned to wean by a certain date, and the deadline has come, and the breastfeeding still has not curdled, you may feel dissatisfaction with the situation and tension, and the child may begin to suck more in response. The baby seems to cling to his mother when he sees that she is “slipping away” and at the same time tense and restless. This is similar to the situation when people begin to grab goods “in reserve” from store shelves, seeing the general excitement: “maybe we don’t need this now, but it’s better if it’s better, then suddenly we won’t be able to buy it at all!” It may help to consciously set yourself up to be calm and confident. If the baby suddenly begins to latch on much more often, it often helps to relieve the excitement by simply not refusing the breast for several days or a week, and then, when the baby calms down and relaxes, try again.
What to do?
- Maintain confidence and a positive attitude . Your confidence that everything is going as it should, your faith in the child will be passed on to the baby and will make it much easier to cope with the refusal of one or another feeding.
- Be prepared that finishing the feeding may take longer than expected . You may have to adjust your plans as you go. In weaning, as in the development of a child, the rule “one step back, two forward” works. Usually, “kickbacks” occur if the baby gets sick or you move somewhere new, but they can also be associated simply with a new period in the child’s development. A positive attitude and understanding of what is happening will help you get through the setback period and continue on your way.
First of all, the kickbacks made me terribly angry. <…> For example, we had a super-sucking weekend, during which I was terribly annoyed and only thought that it was time to buy something to smear my nipples and stop, that it would no longer be possible to wean off gently. And after the weekend everything returned to normal, and again very rare and very fast sucking. So hang in there in moments like these! - from the story of Marianne
After a particular feeding has disappeared, it is a good idea to wait a while before taking new steps. For most children, it takes about a couple of weeks to get used to the new state of affairs.
- Listen to your intuition . Our children are constantly changing; By listening to yourself, you can catch those moments when the child is “ripe” to refuse this or that feeding. Sometimes mothers note that they and their child could not refuse some kind of feeding for two months, and they gave up all attempts, and then, listening to their inner voice, they tried another one after some time - and the feeding went away. Don't set yourself strict limits and rules, following which will only frustrate you; be flexible and listen to yourself.
I admit, I was angry and lost my temper. But after a few weeks I tried the same element, and only then did it finally work. The child “matured” before him. - from the story of Marianne
Where to begin?
There are two main approaches.
First: start with feedings that are not very important for the baby. Listen to your intuition and start with those that you think he will refuse most easily. For many children, these are daytime feedings outside of dreams. Then, perhaps, the least important of the remaining ones will be feedings after waking up. But for some, on the contrary, it is possible to give up night feedings, but there is no way to replace morning feedings with something else, and you just have to feed and wait until the baby stops waking up crying. If the mother works, for many children it is very important to feed the moment the mother returns from work. So this may be your last one.
Approach two: if there are feedings that particularly exhaust or irritate you, you can start with them. Then, having removed them, you will feel much better and will be able to complete feeding more calmly and without stress and tension. Or it may turn out that after this breastfeeding will be so comfortable that you will not want to change anything at all, and you will simply wait for self-exclusion (link). If someone tells you that “these feedings are always the last to go, and they don’t start with them,” don’t believe them! There are no laws: all babies and mothers are different, and the procedure for completing breastfeeding is also different for everyone. Just listen to yourself and try, and everything will work out. Although perhaps not right away.
Continuation of the article:
Part 2. Specific steps to complete the GW
Part 3. Night feedings; life after the end of the war
[1] One survey of mothers showed that only 8% of children stopped sucking the breast and/or its substitutes, fingers or objects before the age of one year, and the remaining 92% of children continued to after a year .
[2] World Health Organization:
It is recommended to practice exclusive breastfeeding for the first six months and then continue breastfeeding, along with adequate complementary foods, until two years of age or beyond. https://www.who.int/topics/breastfeeding/ru/
Tip 2: Gradually end breastfeeding
Abruptly stopping breastfeeding can be traumatic for both mother and baby. If a nursing mother fails to stop feeding in a timely manner, milk stagnation may occur and an inflammatory process (mastitis) may begin, and the baby may experience great stress. Therefore, it is very important to complete breastfeeding as naturally as possible so that the milk “leaves” from the breast gradually.
First, replace feedings that occur erratically. As a rule, these are daytime attachments that are not associated with falling asleep. Then, when your baby can manage without them, remove feedings before naps and after waking up. Night feedings are usually the last to go.
Polina Lykova: “In fact, the gradual completion of breastfeeding begins with the introduction of complementary foods. By introducing a new food product into your child’s diet, you thus reduce the number of breastfeedings.”
NIGHT FEEDINGS
- Very good article How to teach a baby to fall asleep without breastfeeding? breastfeeding consultant Irina Shapovalova, how to wean from night feedings and sleep feedings. As Irina writes, the method is especially suitable for children over one and a half years old, and for mothers who cannot or do not want to delegate the styling to other people.
- Sears' tips for weaning off night feedings
- article is specifically about night feedings. Babies before and after one year are considered separately.
- Nadia Eisner's tips for weaning off night feedings, for children over a year old who understand speech well (not necessarily speak themselves). Perhaps through crying, but more quickly than in other methods. Article + discussion (mothers' experience).
- For those who doubt whether feeding at night is necessary - an article about the benefits of night feeding by Maria Gudanova (about the author).
Tip 3: Choose the right moment
Mother and baby should be ready to stop breastfeeding. How to determine this? The baby actively eats “adult” food, can calm down not only at the breast and remains with other adults without problems, and daytime feedings become irregular. At the same time, the nursing mother’s breasts do not become full between feedings, and she realizes that the baby does not need breasts and milk as much as before.
Polina Lykova: “But if the situation is the opposite - the mother’s breasts become full between feedings, and the baby can only calm down if he is attached to the breast, and does not fall asleep without it - then it is too early to talk about the end of lactation. In addition, it is better to postpone the process of ending breastfeeding if the child is sick, the mother has problems with the breasts - mastitis and lactostasis are easier to tolerate if breastfeeding is continued - or serious changes are coming in the child’s life - for example, moving, first travel, training to the potty. Completion is a difficult period, there is no need to aggravate it with additional trials.”
BREASTFEEDING AND WEANING DURING PREGNANCY
- issues during pregnancy from the LLL website.
- An article by Lilia Kazakova about feeding and possible weaning during pregnancy. Contains useful weaning tips.
- Experiences of mothers weaning during pregnancy. To excommunicate or not? That is the question! GW and new pregnancy
- The experience of mothers who continue to breastfeed during this period. Breastfeeding and new pregnancy
- Experience of continued feeding during pregnancy with twins (LLL website)
- A selection about Tandem Feeding - how to feed both children (the one you already have and the one who will be born) after childbirth.
Tip 5: Do not use questionable methods to complete lactation
Under no circumstances use “grandmother’s” methods to stop lactation: do not tighten your breasts. This injures the glandular tissue and provokes mastitis. You should not limit yourself to food and drink while breastfeeding is over. Such a diet will bring nothing but exhaustion and the risk of lactostasis.
Polina Lykova: “In addition, it is not recommended to take special drugs that suppress lactation. They interfere with hormone production and can negatively impact subsequent lactation and maternal health.”
How to reduce lactation during gradual weaning
With gradual weaning, the mammary glands adapt gradually. Milk is produced according to the baby’s needs and within 2-3 days the body will reduce its quantity. With a soft completion, the breast is not expressed, it does not swell or harden.
In case of abrupt termination of breastfeeding, the chest becomes full. To avoid lactostasis, she is expressed, gradually reducing the amount of milk. Lactation will stop completely within 2 weeks. The milk that was previously in the breast will return back to the blood and will no longer be released.
Doctors and breastfeeding specialists do not recommend the use of tablets to suppress lactation; they are not effective, because... Milk production at the time of weaning is affected only by the child’s request.
Medicines affect the feeding hormone prolactin for a maximum of 6 months and are used in emergency cases. The pills have dangerous consequences: from mastitis with high fever to heart attack.
Read more about how to stop lactation.
Tip 6: Give your child maximum attention
When completing lactation, try to give your baby as much attention as possible. With your affection and love, you will show that stopping breastfeeding will not change the relationship between you. After all, breasts for a baby are not only a source of nutrition, but also a way to calm down, feel needed and loved.
Polina Lykova: “It is also undesirable, in order to complete lactation as quickly as possible, to hand over the child to grandmothers for a while or go away yourself, tell a story about a “sick” breast (smearing it with brilliant green, etc.), and also make fun of the child, comparing him with other children. By doing this you can frighten him and violate his trust.”
Tip 8: If feeding needs to be completed urgently, act delicately
It happens that a mother urgently needs to wean her baby from the breast. This may be due to pregnancy, forced long separation of mother and child, illness or treatment of the mother that is incompatible with breastfeeding. In this case, lactation must be stopped abruptly.
How to proceed? Express breasts when full until soft or relieved, but not completely. With each new pumping, milk will leave the breast. This will help avoid lactostasis and mastitis in the mother.
At this time, it is better to transfer the child to artificial feeding or give him expressed milk from a bottle, or finally transfer him to adult food.
During the completion of lactation, it is very important for the mother to demonstrate confidence in her actions, because a positive attitude is half the success!
- share with your friends!
Experts: Polina Petrovna Lykova
How should a mother behave?
During the implementation of the plan to complete lactation, the support and help of relatives is very important for a nursing mother. Spending time with other family members will allow the baby to be distracted, not to remember the close connection, and not to see the conditioned stimulus. You can ask your loved ones to feed the child with alternative food, and then try to put him to bed. If the whims do not stop in this way, then the mother can rock the baby in her arms, sing a lullaby, and let him know that she is nearby.
A woman, in order not to provoke hysterics and demands for boobs, should wear closed clothes, change her underwear often, and take showers several times a day so as not to smell of milk. Continue to remain calm and be as patient as possible, understand that with small and confident steps they are moving towards the goal.
